Lessons From A Single: I Am Complete!


Valentine’s Day is tomorrow!! This day is a day that many singles dread. I can remember a time when I would dread this holiday as well. It was a reminder to me that I was once again alone, single, and no one wanted to be with me. Now you may have these feelings, but someone reading this does. And . . . this was totally me for years!!! Part of my problem was that I seriously did not think I was complete unless I was in a relationship. All through high school, college, and most of my 20’s was spent in some ways feeling the NEED to be in relationship with some guy. This thinking lead me down a road of failed relationships, increased insecurities, toxic relationships, to just hooking up and dating random guys out boredom or loneliness. I was not feeling complete at all . . . matter of fact, I began to feel broken. I was shattered, and eventually a piece of me left with every random I felt hooked to that showed me any type of attention.

One day, I got tired. I gave up. I cried out for help in this area of my life. I began drawing closer to God, ended up in therapy, my relationship with God became a priority, and I began to find healing. Healing . . . allowing God to love me . . . embracing and accepting that love . . . loving me . . . I became complete! I realized I was complete all along!!

Take a look at the video below, as I share more on how I came to this realization some years ago. My prayer is that this Valentine’s Day be a day to remind you of the one who created you, shaped you, has a plan and purpose for you . . . the one who loves you. No man . . . degree . . . status . . . material possession can fulfill you with love and joy like God can. Enjoy the video and remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel!

~ Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

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Truths About Being Single


Hey love bugs!

Okay . . . so for quite some time, I have been feeling this weight to do a series of messages just for SINGLES. Now, I’m going to be honest . . . when I first felt this heavy weight, I couldn’t understand why. Okay . . . to be totally honest, I didn’t want to understand why. You see, me personally, I’m finally at a place of contentment with being single not to get confused with being complacent. Trust me . . . it has taken me years to get here. And . . . it has not gone without lots of tears, heartbreaks, mistakes, disappointments, feeling like I’ve wasted time, frustration, confusion, and even depression. Yes . . . being single has been one emotional rollercoaster. Then it hit me . . . this is why I’m feeling pressed to do this series that I will title Lessons From A Single. I’m sure many other women have felt like me, is currently having those emotions, or are now cool with their “single status”, but still struggle with navigating what to do with the time. So here we are. And here is my disclaimer:

I, Hazel Owens, am writing this series based off of my personal experiences and lessons learned with being single, and those experiences I have had the pleasure of enduring alongside others. I do realize that not everyone struggles with this topic, and at the same time I realize that many do. My hope is for each of us (including me) begin to live this season (and any other season of life) to the fullest potential possible, embracing every twist and turn along the way.

Aaaaahhhh . . . now that is out of the way. Let’s start with some truths about being single:

  • Singleness is not a disease, and marriage is not the cure.

Seriously . . . I have no idea where this thought came from. However, I do remember a time thinking something was wrong with me because I was single. This caused me to mentally marry every cute guy in my head that said “hello”. Basically, I rushed things with guys, and found myself giving myself to anyone that gave me attention because being single meant being alone. Being alone meant something has to be wrong with me. Having this mindset that marriage will fix your problem with being single runs the high risk of you ending up with the wrong person, or feeling more frustrated after each failed relationship. Singleness is not some disease or some problem that can be wiped away with marriage. Marriage has it’s own sets of problems and frustrations, as with any season in life. This is a time for some soul searching for you. If you can’t stand being alone with you, how do you expect for anyone else to want to be around you. Marriage is not going to make you happy all of the time . . . honestly you yourself can’t make you happy all of the time. So, please do not think that marriage is going to solve all of your single problems, because it won’t. Use this season to see what all God wants to do for you and through you.

  • Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely

So this drive me nuts! Just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I am sure many others feel this way as well. Alone does not always equate to feeling lonely. In moments where I have felt lonely, I would seriously have to focus on those who are around me. Sometimes, it’s hard to connect with that friend who is married, a momma, or both because they can’t always hang or talk when you want to. I can’t get mad about that because that’s their season, but what I had to learn to do was to do things on my own. The more I began to do things on my own, the more I began to learn me more intimately. I began to meet other people. I began to fall in love with me all over again.

  • Desiring marriage, connection, or companionship from the opposite sex is not wrong.

There is nothing wrong with having strong desires for marriage or companionship with opposite sex. How you act on those desires is what can get you in trouble. Dating random people, just because you are bored or don’t want to be alone, will get old. Having sex with “randoms” just because they gave you some attention and time you were desiring is a recipe for confusion and heartbreak (more on this later). Be careful how you act on those desires.

  • Being single can be exciting

This is an amazing time to enjoy all the things God is calling you to without distractions. You don’t have to worry about the cares of a husband or children (if you’re not a mother) when you make decisions. If you have children, you can bring them along, or introduce them to the things that God is calling you to. Traveling freely, pursuing your purpose, serving, hanging out with friends, taking risks . . . gosh this time of life can be so exciting if you just put yourself out there and embrace it.

  • This season can be frustrating!

It can totally seem like everyone is in a relationship but you. Every time you turn around, someone you know is getting engaged. You are over a certain age and people put the pressure on you to be involved. Holidays are the worst at times . . . a constant reminder that you are single. When you are content, people confuse it with you not being open to marriage or relationships. How frustrating is this?!?! More to come in a future post.

  • Being single does not mean you are not whole or complete

This saddens me deeply, and yet so many women struggle with this . . . I did too. Feeling like you are not whole or complete can at times force you to stay in toxic relationships or in relationships longer than you should. When God created you, He created you whole. Being with someone is not going to complete you, because sis, you are already complete!

I’m so excited for this series. I’m praying for singles, and I pray that the lessons that I have learned (and learning) along the way, be a source of inspiration to you. Also, as I introduce this series, I am adding videos for a deeper dive with every post. I am now on YouTube!!!!! Many of you have been asking for video along with the blogs, and it’s finally here! Be easy with me, as I’m still learning the art of YouTube lol. Enjoy this message on YouTube by clicking the link below. While you are there, please subscribe to my channel! I look forward to your comments there and on this website. Let’s journey together friends!

~Hazel ~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

 

 

 

Detour to Destiny


Good morning love bugs! I had another post in mind for this week, but this has been pressing on me harder. Maybe because this is currently where I find myself. Maybe because while I’m in a frustrating season, I’m trying to keep my faith and focus. Maybe because someone else is out there reading this, feeling relieved that they are not alone. I’m not sure, but whatever the reason is I know I needed to touch on this.

Many people who step out on faith, are not sure how God is going to lead them on their faith journey. They see the vision, the destination of where God is taking them, but often times are unsure of the journey it will take to get there. Yet…with all this uncertainty, they are sure that it will ALL come together…things will somehow work out. Sounds very inspiring right?

This is truly how I felt about stepping out on faith: walking away from my job to start building Perfectly Imperfect Inc., selling Premier Designs Jewelry to support Perfectly Imperfect Inc., attending seminary full time to get my Masters Degrees in Divinity and Marriage & Family Therapy. I had no clue how this journey would be, but I knew I needed to step out on faith and literally trust God for every measure of provision.

What happens when discouragement set in? What happens when you start to think that maybe you heard God wrong in this thing? What happens when you hit those extremely slow seasons in generating income and you begin to question everything?

It’s these frustrating moments that I can’t help but to believe that every entrepreneur or person who stepped out on faith have from time to time. It’s these moments that you feel that you are now on a crazy detour leaving you wondering if you will ever reach your destination.

So, after some time of feeling like this, and watching how God would subtly show me that I’m right on track, I began to feel this message: Detours does not always mean you will not reach your destiny.

And just like that…mood change! Attitude change! Disposition change! I have to embrace the detours that life can bring at times. So I took to Instagram yesterday with this message in case someone else was beginning to feel like I was feeling (see video below):

When life sends you on a detour, it could be God’s way of protecting you from some unseen danger/hinderance, the detour posed for a better route to help develop you, or maybe it’s God’s way of testing your patience and seeing if your disposition about the journey will change…who knows why we often experience detours…One thing is for sure is that if we keep our focus on the Lord we will reach the destination He has already predestined for us to receive! Keep pushing, keep pressing, keep persisting…You got this!!!

~Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

No Escape


I have several nieces and nephews, and now great nieces and a great nephew. They all are very different and unique in their own way. Each of them have their own special relationship with me. While they are very different, they all had one thing in common when it came to me: they would follow me everywhere I would go. They were like my little shadows, and some of the really young ones are still this way.

They would follow so close sometimes that I would accidentally knock them down if I made a quick turn. There were times I felt like I couldn’t escape them. However, the older they got the less interested they became in what I was doing and where I was going…they began to discover their journey.

I can remember moments of feeling relieved when this would happen because then, I could easily escape from them to do what I want, eat what I want (you know you have snuck away to eat something so a kid wouldn’t see it and beg for some), and have conversations that I wanted without interruption or innocent ears present.

Reflecting on this about my nieces and nephews, made me think about my journey with God and moving toward my fulfilled purpose. I began to remember moments along the journey that I tried to escape God because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to hang where I wanted to hang. Drink what I wanted to drink. Smoke what I wanted to smoke (that ended quickly). Sleep with whoever I wanted to sleep with. Yet there was No Escape.

Then I began to remember moments where amazing doors were opened. Where I found/find myself doing things that I never thought I would do. Traveling places I never dreamt of seeing. Meeting people I would have never thought to connect with. Realizing in these (and more) amazing high moments I never escaped God.

One thing I’m learning is this:

In this journey, there are high moments and low moments. There are moments when everyone is rallying around you, and moments when you have not one person to talk to. Times when you feel invited and times when you feel the invitation must have been lost in the mail. No matter where you are in this journey, no matter what is thrown at you, and no matter what mistakes you make along the way, God is always with you. With Him there is No Escape!

His love can reach you on whatever road in this journey you are on; and His grace is more than enough to sustain you. The reminds me of David’s words in Psalm 139:

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:1-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

May you find peace in knowing that with God, there’s No Escape!

~Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God.

What If?


Last week I found myself in a very interesting conversation with someone. We met at a local Starbucks (because secretly I believe that Starbucks is my office) to have a chat about God, spiritual direction, passion, and purpose. The only thing that was missing was a conversation about shoes, clothes, and all things sparkly . . . but considering I was having a conversation with a guy, I decided against bringing up all the girly stuff lol. Nevertheless, coffee and Jesus are my jam. In that case, I was fully enjoying this life-giving and rich conversation.

I found myself being all engaged in this moment as we sat and conversed for hours about the goodness of God while being kept warm with our hot beverages. Something happened in the middle of our conversation that surprised the both of us. Something came out of my mouth that shocked me, and yet has had me praising God ever since.

In the conversation, I was asked to share my story of how I felt God’s calling on my life that led me to leaping out on faith to start building my organization and attending seminary full time. So, I shared very candidly and openly about the journey so far; while being intentional to not only highlight the warm, fuzzy stuff about stepping out on faith. As I caught my coffee partner up to where I’m currently am on this journey of faith, he sat back in his chair and pondered for a moment. After a brief moment of silence, and I got to steal a few sips of my warm, yummy goodness, he began to smile. It appeared he was moved by the story (glory to God right). Then it happened . . .

My coffee partner for the evening looked at me and asked, “So, what do you have planned if this doesn’t work out? If after it’s all said and done, you discover it all didn’t work, what are you prepared to do?” Before thinking, the following words gushed out of my mouth: “I never considered that it wouldn’t work. So, to answer your question . . . I don’t know. I don’t know because I never thought that it couldn’t work.”

His immediate response was “Whoa!!!” Then I hit him with a “Whoa!!!” And he shot back at me, “No . . . seriously WOW!!! What a response!” I looked at him at said, “No, seriously . . . I can’t believe that came out. I’m just as shocked, but it’s my honest response. I have that much FAITH that what God is calling me to will come to fruition.”

What if

This moment in our amazing conversation brought an awareness for me. For years, I used to be a “worry wart”. Stepping out on faith like this was huge for me! It is still huge for me!! I knew when I did it, I would have to fully trust and rely on God in the process. Too often, we think of our “what if’s” as negative. I just got tired of that way of thinking. So, with the grace and strength from God, I began to make my “what if’s” positive. “What if it does work?” “What if you will be provided with all that you need?” “What if they do say yes?”

What is something you have been “what if’ing about”? Have you considered that whatever your “what if” is could be the very thing that God wants you to trust by faith on. One thing I left my coffee partner with, and I leave to end this blog post is this:

When you take the leap of faith, you will either soar or God will provide you a soft place to land. You will never know until you take the leap.

I hypothetically entertained my coffee partner’s “what if” question, and explained this:

If this vision does indeed not work out, I can rest assured knowing that:

  • I gave it my all and fully trusted God with the process, resulting in a deeper level of faith and trust in Him
  • It didn’t kill me trying
  • It only means that God will redirect me to something greater.

 

This year, let’s rethink our “what if’s” in life. Let’s turn those things over to God, and allow Him to fully take the wheel to steer us in the direction He wants us to go. Let’s look to Him to give us the courage to conquer fear to take the leap of faith that will push us closer to our destiny.

~Hazel~

Though you are imperfect, you are loved by a perfect God.

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Instagram/Twitter: @_hazelowens