You meet a guy, you fall in love or “strong like”, and it feels great! You have been yearning for this type of connection for quite some time. Time with this guy . . . well you can’t get enough of that. You look forward to his sweet “good morning beautiful” text messages, talking throughout the day, and dates in the evenings. As time goes on, you find yourself adjusting yourself doing things that you know would make him happy. You may even put what you want or desire on hold to make sure his needs and wants are met.
I know you’re like, “Well Hazel, what’s wrong with all of that? This is what you do in relationships sometimes”. True enough, and believe me, there is nothing wrong with any of this. In relationships of any kind, there will often be some compromising. You will often want to be around that person because of how they make you feel or because of your infatuation with them. Again, nothing wrong there. However, have you ever lost who you are while doing these things? Have you ever found yourself totally changing by adapting the other person’s characteristics, hobbies, and habits?
I Lost Me
I don’t know about you, but I have. In the past, the longer I stayed dating someone, I found myself adapting his likeness. I found myself doing things that I know he would like; wearing my hair the way he likes, dressing the way he likes, going to places I know he would like, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I was not like the chick on Coming to America, saying “Whatever you liiiikkkeee”. Naw . . . it didn’t get that far, but at times I may have come close.
I also noticed over the years that I’m not alone in this experience. Many women find themselves putting on the likeness of the guy they are in relation with. This could even happen with women and their female friends too. It’s so easy for us to do this because we are trying to please our mate. While there is nothing wrong with this, it does become problematic if it gets to the point where you totally lose sight of who you are and who God called you to be. So I beg the question, If we allow ourselves to put on the likeness of our mates because of our desire to please them, then how much more should we put on the likeness of the One who created us?
Remember, people are flawed and imperfect. Be careful in your pursuit of relationships, not to totally transform your God-identity to please another human. Our identity is in Christ. Allow Him to guide and lead you in your relationships, to reveal Himself to you, and for Him to show you how to put on His likeness. Again, there is nothing wrong with pleasing your mate, just make sure it doesn’t cost you your soul in doing so. Keep God in the midst of all your relationships to reduce the risk of conforming into a person that God doesn’t desire you to be. Draw close to Him and watch how you will begin to imitate His image, and become more like Him (something we all should be striving to be).
Remember this: Though you are imperfect, you are loved by a perfect God!