His Likeness

You meet a guy, you fall in love or “strong like”, and it feels great! You have been yearning for this type of connection for quite some time. Time with this guy . . . well you can’t get enough of that. You look forward to his sweet “good morning beautiful” text messages, talking throughout the day, and dates in the evenings. As time goes on, you find yourself adjusting yourself doing things that you know would make him happy. You may even put what you want or desire on hold to make sure his needs and wants are met.

I know you’re like, “Well Hazel, what’s wrong with all of that? This is what you do in relationships sometimes”. True enough, and believe me, there is nothing wrong with any of this. In relationships of any kind, there will often be some compromising. You will often want to be around that person because of how they make you feel or because of your infatuation with them. Again, nothing wrong there. However, have you ever lost who you are while doing these things? Have you ever found yourself totally changing by adapting the other person’s characteristics, hobbies, and habits?

I Lost Me

Trying To

Please Him

I don’t know about you, but I have. In the past, the longer I stayed dating someone, I found myself adapting his likeness. I found myself doing things that I know he would like; wearing my hair the way he likes, dressing the way he likes, going to places I know he would like, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I was not like the chick on Coming to America, saying “Whatever you liiiikkkeee”. Naw . . . it didn’t get that far, but at times I may have come close.

I also noticed over the years that I’m not alone in this experience. Many women find themselves putting on the likeness of the guy they are in relation with. This could even happen with women and their female friends too. It’s so easy for us to do this because we are trying to please our mate. While there is nothing wrong with this, it does become problematic if it gets to the point where you totally lose sight of who you are and who God called you to be. So I beg the question, If we allow ourselves to put on the likeness of our mates because of our desire to please them, then how much more should we put on the likeness of the One who created us?

Remember, people are flawed and imperfect. Be careful in your pursuit of relationships, not to totally transform your God-identity to please another human. Our identity is in Christ. Allow Him to guide and lead you in your relationships, to reveal Himself to you, and for Him to show you how to put on His likeness. Again, there is nothing wrong with pleasing your mate, just make sure it doesn’t cost you your soul in doing so. Keep God in the midst of all your relationships to reduce the risk of conforming into a person that God doesn’t desire you to be. Draw close to Him and watch how you will begin to imitate His image, and become more like Him (something we all should be striving to be).


Remember this: Though you are imperfect, you are loved by a perfect God!

From Grumbling to Gratitude! 

Happy Friday love bugs!! 😘🐞

So this morning, I totally had a heart check from the Lord. When I tell you, these past couple weeks I have been going and going, it’s been crazy! Although everyday I try to spend some time to myself to regroup and catch a second wind, I have noticed the past couple mornings I have had trouble getting up. I have struggled with my 5am quiet/study time with the Lord, because I can’t seem to wake up. Maybe because it’s cold out, and I just want extra time snuggled in my comfy, warm bed? Maybe, I’m really exhausted and need some serious down time?  Maybe because it’s still dark when that annoying sound of my alarm goes off; and I convince myself that I can use just “5 more minutes” which turns into another hour or two? My life!!! 

Regardless of the reasoning, I have felt extremely tired these past few mornings. What comes with being tired? Mumbling, grumbling, & complaining! And I fell for it hard this morning!

What’s looking to try to be my norm, I yet again woke up extremely tired this morning.  I must have said at least 3x “Uggghh I don’t want to go to work!” I finally forced myself to get up and try to do something with my life this a.m. 

As I made my way to the bathroom, I peaked in the kitchen to see a sink full of pots and pans from last night’s dinner (that I was of course too tired to actually wash and put away). I then murmur “Uggghh I gotta wash those dishes” 

I make my way to the bathroom to shower, only hoping it would wake me up and get me excited about the day ahead. 

As soon as I hopped in the shower, I could hear the Holy Spirit say, “Don’t be so ungrateful Hazel. That job you don’t want to go too; well somebody is desperately trying to find a job.

That sink full of pots & pans from last night’s dinner means that you ate well last night. Be grateful for the food you have to cook & the means to prepare it. Someone went to bed hungry or ate at a soup kitchen. 

And that tired feeling you have means that I have given you an opportunity to be active daily. Someone wishes they can move around & do only a fourth of what I’m allowing you to do & what I’m calling you to do.”

Sometimes we can feel so defeated by the day to day tasks we are faced with. If we’re not careful, the spirit of complaint will come upon us, and next thing you know we are never satisfied with all the things God has given us. 

So to the wife reading this: I know you are tired of that title sometimes. You are tired of managing the home, working, and making sure you support, respect, submit, and encourage your husband (even when he’s working that last nerve of yours). Remember you prayed for that man; that leader for you and your family. Some woman wishes she had that kind of love, leadership, and protection from a man.

To that mother: I know you are tired of being a nurse, teacher, taxi cab driver, therapist, and personal jungle gym for your kids. But some woman wishes she could conceive children…wishes she could experience the kind of love a mother has with her child

To that single: I know you are tired of weekends spent alone, holidays with no “boo”, making all the decisions by yourself, and the long nights of wondering if the guy you kinda sorta like, likes you back; or the fact that you’re tired of liking guys just to get the short end of the stick. Well remember when your season change, you’re not going to have all the free time to come and go as you please. Some woman can’t make a decision without affecting the people whom she shares her home with. 

We all get tired from time to time, but you have to check that spirit of complaint, and adopt an attitude of gratitude for ALL things. 

Thank you Lord for the reminder this morning! Forgive us for the times were we adopted a complaining, mumbling, grumbling spirit. Help us to be grateful that you are allowing us to have the responsibility and hold positions in life that you have given us. This means you trusts us with our daily tasks and the roles we play for others. Help us to remember that through you we can face and do anything! Help us to adopt a spirit of gratitude for all that you give and take away from us. Thank you for loving us that much! 

Happy Friday! Have a great day on purpose and with purpose!


Heart to Heart Series: “Communication: He Thinks”

When Chris and I sat down to discuss how we wanted to kick off this Heart to Heart series, the first topic that came to mind was communication. It is important to understand how men and women differ when it comes to communication. It’s not that the way one communicates is right and the other is wrong, it’s just different. We have to learn to accept these differences, and find ways to be more effective with the opposite sex to better engage with one another. So for the next several blogs within this series, Chris and I are going to focus on just that. Before we dig in, I want to share this YouTube video called It’s Not About The Nail. Go ahead and watch this less than 2 minute video as it paints a perfect picture on how differently men and women communicate.

Now, keep that in mind as you read Chris’s blog post on how men communicate:

There was a statement I heard years ago that suggested the most interesting thing…that men were like waffles and women were like spaghetti. Obviously, waffles being an example of logical, symmetrical compartments, and spaghetti being an interconnected, interwoven network of strands. This was probably the closest illustration (in my mind) of how men think and communicate that I’ve heard. Since then, one of the most intriguing discoveries that I’ve made was the glaring difference between how men and women communicate with each other.

Let’s do an experiment: The next time you have an engaging conversation with a man, notice the number of times he says the words, “I think.” With the same level of intrigue, the next time you have a conversation with a woman, notice the number of times she uses the words, “I feel.” What you’ll begin to see is that, even when sharing facts, men “think” and women “feel.” Now that’s not to suggest that women don’t think and men don’t feel. But, what I will say is that it’s not our primary default. The revelation here is that men don’t engage their heart and emotions when communicating as often as women do. That said, please don’t misunderstand…men feel things very deeply…we just don’t often share deeply. I can hear you asking now, “Why is that?” Honestly, it boils down to a matter of safety and trust. I know what you might be thinking, “How does a big, strong warrior feel unsafe when it comes to communicating?” Easy. An arrow shot at his body can be blocked by his shield. However, an arrow shot at his heart is MUCH more difficult to defend against.

For most men, the last time they were regularly vulnerable while communicating was as a young boy…with his mother. Now, to be fair and equitable (because I’m a daddy), boys do share openly with their fathers. The most distinct difference is that most conversations with Dad are “how to” conversations. “Feelings” conversations are most often had with Mom. That was the last person he trusted to communicate exactly what he felt. When he was a boy, it was okay to cry when he was hurt. It was okay to express sadness when his best friend moved away or when he lost something he cared about. It was safe to fail because he would always be encouraged to try again…as if the expectation was that he was sure to win because he was reminded that he had what it took to succeed. That safety, that trust, faded for him around 7 or 8. That’s about the time when the affirmation for his accomplishments became expectations. That’s around the time when the response to failure changed from encouragement to chastising and critique…all without much warning. Being confused by the “shift,” all of the openness, transparency, and vulnerability was suffocated. The most devastating breach of his safety and trust came at the hands of the loving architect of his safe haven, his mother. In her defense, she was probably completely unaware that this catastrophic break had happened at her hands…but it did. It was then that his most tender emotion in communication was replaced with fiercely protective safe guards.

 Most of what you, as a woman, experience when you communicate with a man (on an emotional level) is him working through his protective check list to see if you are safe and can be trusted. Because the flashbacks to that “shift” in his childhood are so intense…when he could no longer cry when he was hurt or was expected to “be strong,” or “suck it up/walk it off,” the weight of allowing it to happen again is crushing. He was expected to be strong before he knew how. So, the constant expectation for his strength as a man is a reminder of the fact that he has an instinctive desire, but lacks the skill and “know how” to confidently pull it off. So, instead of admitting that he doesn’t know how, because he was never taught how, or that he has crippling doubts about his ability, he constructs a façade, a mask, so that he can function.

These are the realities of what exists below the surface. So, taking these realities into account concerning generally what he is thinking and feeling when he communicates with you will help you build a healthy level of exchange with him. Be patient though. Safety, when it comes to matters of the heart, takes time to build. But, the hope for you is that what you need and desire from him in communication…is actually in there. Your love and patience will be the massaging he’ll need to bring it out.

 – Chris

Well there you have it! Stay posted for the follow up to this topic: Heart to Heart Series: “Communication: She Feels” You can email Chris and I at heart2heart.ch@gmail.com

With love