Lessons From A Single: I Am Complete!


Valentine’s Day is tomorrow!! This day is a day that many singles dread. I can remember a time when I would dread this holiday as well. It was a reminder to me that I was once again alone, single, and no one wanted to be with me. Now you may have these feelings, but someone reading this does. And . . . this was totally me for years!!! Part of my problem was that I seriously did not think I was complete unless I was in a relationship. All through high school, college, and most of my 20’s was spent in some ways feeling the NEED to be in relationship with some guy. This thinking lead me down a road of failed relationships, increased insecurities, toxic relationships, to just hooking up and dating random guys out boredom or loneliness. I was not feeling complete at all . . . matter of fact, I began to feel broken. I was shattered, and eventually a piece of me left with every random I felt hooked to that showed me any type of attention.

One day, I got tired. I gave up. I cried out for help in this area of my life. I began drawing closer to God, ended up in therapy, my relationship with God became a priority, and I began to find healing. Healing . . . allowing God to love me . . . embracing and accepting that love . . . loving me . . . I became complete! I realized I was complete all along!!

Take a look at the video below, as I share more on how I came to this realization some years ago. My prayer is that this Valentine’s Day be a day to remind you of the one who created you, shaped you, has a plan and purpose for you . . . the one who loves you. No man . . . degree . . . status . . . material possession can fulfill you with love and joy like God can. Enjoy the video and remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel!

~ Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

Truths About Being Single


Hey love bugs!

Okay . . . so for quite some time, I have been feeling this weight to do a series of messages just for SINGLES. Now, I’m going to be honest . . . when I first felt this heavy weight, I couldn’t understand why. Okay . . . to be totally honest, I didn’t want to understand why. You see, me personally, I’m finally at a place of contentment with being single not to get confused with being complacent. Trust me . . . it has taken me years to get here. And . . . it has not gone without lots of tears, heartbreaks, mistakes, disappointments, feeling like I’ve wasted time, frustration, confusion, and even depression. Yes . . . being single has been one emotional rollercoaster. Then it hit me . . . this is why I’m feeling pressed to do this series that I will title Lessons From A Single. I’m sure many other women have felt like me, is currently having those emotions, or are now cool with their “single status”, but still struggle with navigating what to do with the time. So here we are. And here is my disclaimer:

I, Hazel Owens, am writing this series based off of my personal experiences and lessons learned with being single, and those experiences I have had the pleasure of enduring alongside others. I do realize that not everyone struggles with this topic, and at the same time I realize that many do. My hope is for each of us (including me) begin to live this season (and any other season of life) to the fullest potential possible, embracing every twist and turn along the way.

Aaaaahhhh . . . now that is out of the way. Let’s start with some truths about being single:

  • Singleness is not a disease, and marriage is not the cure.

Seriously . . . I have no idea where this thought came from. However, I do remember a time thinking something was wrong with me because I was single. This caused me to mentally marry every cute guy in my head that said “hello”. Basically, I rushed things with guys, and found myself giving myself to anyone that gave me attention because being single meant being alone. Being alone meant something has to be wrong with me. Having this mindset that marriage will fix your problem with being single runs the high risk of you ending up with the wrong person, or feeling more frustrated after each failed relationship. Singleness is not some disease or some problem that can be wiped away with marriage. Marriage has it’s own sets of problems and frustrations, as with any season in life. This is a time for some soul searching for you. If you can’t stand being alone with you, how do you expect for anyone else to want to be around you. Marriage is not going to make you happy all of the time . . . honestly you yourself can’t make you happy all of the time. So, please do not think that marriage is going to solve all of your single problems, because it won’t. Use this season to see what all God wants to do for you and through you.

  • Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely

So this drive me nuts! Just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I am sure many others feel this way as well. Alone does not always equate to feeling lonely. In moments where I have felt lonely, I would seriously have to focus on those who are around me. Sometimes, it’s hard to connect with that friend who is married, a momma, or both because they can’t always hang or talk when you want to. I can’t get mad about that because that’s their season, but what I had to learn to do was to do things on my own. The more I began to do things on my own, the more I began to learn me more intimately. I began to meet other people. I began to fall in love with me all over again.

  • Desiring marriage, connection, or companionship from the opposite sex is not wrong.

There is nothing wrong with having strong desires for marriage or companionship with opposite sex. How you act on those desires is what can get you in trouble. Dating random people, just because you are bored or don’t want to be alone, will get old. Having sex with “randoms” just because they gave you some attention and time you were desiring is a recipe for confusion and heartbreak (more on this later). Be careful how you act on those desires.

  • Being single can be exciting

This is an amazing time to enjoy all the things God is calling you to without distractions. You don’t have to worry about the cares of a husband or children (if you’re not a mother) when you make decisions. If you have children, you can bring them along, or introduce them to the things that God is calling you to. Traveling freely, pursuing your purpose, serving, hanging out with friends, taking risks . . . gosh this time of life can be so exciting if you just put yourself out there and embrace it.

  • This season can be frustrating!

It can totally seem like everyone is in a relationship but you. Every time you turn around, someone you know is getting engaged. You are over a certain age and people put the pressure on you to be involved. Holidays are the worst at times . . . a constant reminder that you are single. When you are content, people confuse it with you not being open to marriage or relationships. How frustrating is this?!?! More to come in a future post.

  • Being single does not mean you are not whole or complete

This saddens me deeply, and yet so many women struggle with this . . . I did too. Feeling like you are not whole or complete can at times force you to stay in toxic relationships or in relationships longer than you should. When God created you, He created you whole. Being with someone is not going to complete you, because sis, you are already complete!

I’m so excited for this series. I’m praying for singles, and I pray that the lessons that I have learned (and learning) along the way, be a source of inspiration to you. Also, as I introduce this series, I am adding videos for a deeper dive with every post. I am now on YouTube!!!!! Many of you have been asking for video along with the blogs, and it’s finally here! Be easy with me, as I’m still learning the art of YouTube lol. Enjoy this message on YouTube by clicking the link below. While you are there, please subscribe to my channel! I look forward to your comments there and on this website. Let’s journey together friends!

~Hazel ~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

 

 

 

Detour to Destiny


Good morning love bugs! I had another post in mind for this week, but this has been pressing on me harder. Maybe because this is currently where I find myself. Maybe because while I’m in a frustrating season, I’m trying to keep my faith and focus. Maybe because someone else is out there reading this, feeling relieved that they are not alone. I’m not sure, but whatever the reason is I know I needed to touch on this.

Many people who step out on faith, are not sure how God is going to lead them on their faith journey. They see the vision, the destination of where God is taking them, but often times are unsure of the journey it will take to get there. Yet…with all this uncertainty, they are sure that it will ALL come together…things will somehow work out. Sounds very inspiring right?

This is truly how I felt about stepping out on faith: walking away from my job to start building Perfectly Imperfect Inc., selling Premier Designs Jewelry to support Perfectly Imperfect Inc., attending seminary full time to get my Masters Degrees in Divinity and Marriage & Family Therapy. I had no clue how this journey would be, but I knew I needed to step out on faith and literally trust God for every measure of provision.

What happens when discouragement set in? What happens when you start to think that maybe you heard God wrong in this thing? What happens when you hit those extremely slow seasons in generating income and you begin to question everything?

It’s these frustrating moments that I can’t help but to believe that every entrepreneur or person who stepped out on faith have from time to time. It’s these moments that you feel that you are now on a crazy detour leaving you wondering if you will ever reach your destination.

So, after some time of feeling like this, and watching how God would subtly show me that I’m right on track, I began to feel this message: Detours does not always mean you will not reach your destiny.

And just like that…mood change! Attitude change! Disposition change! I have to embrace the detours that life can bring at times. So I took to Instagram yesterday with this message in case someone else was beginning to feel like I was feeling (see video below):

When life sends you on a detour, it could be God’s way of protecting you from some unseen danger/hinderance, the detour posed for a better route to help develop you, or maybe it’s God’s way of testing your patience and seeing if your disposition about the journey will change…who knows why we often experience detours…One thing is for sure is that if we keep our focus on the Lord we will reach the destination He has already predestined for us to receive! Keep pushing, keep pressing, keep persisting…You got this!!!

~Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!

No Escape


I have several nieces and nephews, and now great nieces and a great nephew. They all are very different and unique in their own way. Each of them have their own special relationship with me. While they are very different, they all had one thing in common when it came to me: they would follow me everywhere I would go. They were like my little shadows, and some of the really young ones are still this way.

They would follow so close sometimes that I would accidentally knock them down if I made a quick turn. There were times I felt like I couldn’t escape them. However, the older they got the less interested they became in what I was doing and where I was going…they began to discover their journey.

I can remember moments of feeling relieved when this would happen because then, I could easily escape from them to do what I want, eat what I want (you know you have snuck away to eat something so a kid wouldn’t see it and beg for some), and have conversations that I wanted without interruption or innocent ears present.

Reflecting on this about my nieces and nephews, made me think about my journey with God and moving toward my fulfilled purpose. I began to remember moments along the journey that I tried to escape God because I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to hang where I wanted to hang. Drink what I wanted to drink. Smoke what I wanted to smoke (that ended quickly). Sleep with whoever I wanted to sleep with. Yet there was No Escape.

Then I began to remember moments where amazing doors were opened. Where I found/find myself doing things that I never thought I would do. Traveling places I never dreamt of seeing. Meeting people I would have never thought to connect with. Realizing in these (and more) amazing high moments I never escaped God.

One thing I’m learning is this:

In this journey, there are high moments and low moments. There are moments when everyone is rallying around you, and moments when you have not one person to talk to. Times when you feel invited and times when you feel the invitation must have been lost in the mail. No matter where you are in this journey, no matter what is thrown at you, and no matter what mistakes you make along the way, God is always with you. With Him there is No Escape!

His love can reach you on whatever road in this journey you are on; and His grace is more than enough to sustain you. The reminds me of David’s words in Psalm 139:

“O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:1-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

May you find peace in knowing that with God, there’s No Escape!

~Hazel~

Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God.

New Thing


open roadOne of my favorite things to do during the summer is to go on road trips or a long drive. Honestly, I am always down for a road trip at any time of the year. I think I actually just love driving for some reason. It is something so relaxing about being on the open road or in good flowing traffic with the windows down, music blasting, and having an abundance of snacks. There is nothing more aggravating then driving down a road that is rough, bumpy, and filled with pot holes. You then have to drive slower, and run the risk of damaging your tires on this rough road. If you are anything like me, you find yourself complaining the whole time wishing the pavement would smooth out soon or that the city would fix the road.

What’s crazy about this whole scenario is that once construction begins on the road, I complain about that as well. Sometimes we are never satisfied. Traffic is back up, you are at a standstill due to the work in progress, the drive is even slower, and it seems like it’s taking forever for the road to get fixed. Frustration, anger, anxiety, impatience . . . these emotions begin to stir up each time I take this route to my destination.

On a recent trip, I was driving north on I65. Anyone familiar with I65 from Indianapolis to Northwest Indiana, you know there is always construction happening. I remember when I65 was a little narrow and bumpy. I complained and murmured each time I drove that portion of the interstate. Later, the interstate widened allowing for more cars to flow through. Now, there is another section of the same interstate, in the same direction, that is going through construction. I again found myself murmuring and complaining. It then hit me:

Often, we shout over the new thing, but complain over the construction it takes.

construction pic

Isaiah 44:18-19 (NIV) states: “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I’m doing a new thing!”

Life has a way of presenting itself all sorts of bumpy roads. Sometimes these are things that we bring upon ourselves by the decisions we make . . . other times it’s to no fault on our own . . . and yet there are other times when it’s something within us and how we react/respond to situations that can cause things to be bumpy, full of holes, and uneasy. We complain, we cry, we get angry and frustrated . . . we even go as far as wanting to find a new route and take matters into our own hands.

We are instructed in the above scripture to forget the former things and to not dwell on the past. God cannot begin to do a new work in us if we keep holding on to how things used to be. It’s time to forget about those things that caused the roads in your life to be bumpy. We have to let God build a construction site within us so that we can be prepared for all the new things that He wants to do to us and through us.

So, what will your disposition be like when the construction begins? Are you complaining? Always angry? Bitter? Throwing a pity party? Impatient? Or will trust the Master to pave the way for you? Will you seek Him and cast your cares on upon Him? Will you not waver in your faith? Have patience?

The fact that the new thing is coming and that God is so gracious and merciful to make a new way for us, should be enough to give Him praise. We have to be patient during the construction of our lives. Shout for the construction just as much as you shout when the new take place.

~Hazel~

Though you are imperfect, you are loved by a perfect God!

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