Communication is one of the biggest break down between male and female interactions. Chris and I are trying to paint a vivid picture on exactly how men and women communicate, in hopes to help each sex get a better understanding of one another. Chris started us off with this topic of communication in the Heart to Heart series blog He Thinks. If you haven’t read it yet, go back and read it. Now I (Hazel) will continue this topic by sharing a little insight on how women communicate. But before I do, do you remember this video from the He Thinks blog? Check it out
Keep this in mind and let’s dig in to how women communicate.
I have often heard people say, when it comes to the differences in communications between men and women, that: Men don’t care how women feel, and women don’t care what men think. Every time I hear someone say that, I cringe just a little. Especially once I understood how men and women communicate. Men do care how women feel, and women do care about what men think. Don’t believe me? How many times have you asked the man in your life “What are your thoughts on this?” Fellas . . . how many times have you asked the woman in your life “How are you feeling?” The fact remains is that although we are of different sex, we are still human beings who have emotions. Those emotions may be expressed differently but that’s another topic for another day.
When it comes to communication with the opposite sex, it’s important to note that men and women communicate differently. Chris laid this out very well in He Thinks. Men “think”, they are more logical. Women “feel”, we are more emotional. To Chris’s point, that doesn’t mean that men don’t feel and women don’t think . . . it’s just that those are our default responses. We (women) are more emotional. Why? We’re just wired that way. Thus often when we communicate, we say a lot of “I feel” statements and don’t even realize it. We “feel” everything! Even factual information sometimes. Whether we realize it or not, we tie an emotion to just about everything . . . and we can’t help it.
Once I started understanding this about how I and other women alike communicate, I started paying attention to how often I would say “I feel.” One day I heard myself say, “I feel like I need a Coke!” And of course I said this to a male. He looked at me with one eyebrow raised and a confused expression on his face, and said to me “WHAT?!?” My response (very calmly), “I feel like I need a Coke.” His response (still confused), “What do you mean you feel like you need a Coke? Do you want a Coke?”
It was that moment when it hit me how different men and women communicate. A woman would’ve understood the need of a Coke or Pepsi feeling. A man sees it as you either want one or not. He is thrown off by the feeling aspect. Had I had the same conversation with a woman, the response would’ve been totally different. She would’ve expressed to me how she too felt like she needed a Coke or had the same feeling recently. We then would’ve pressed our way to get our cola beverages, sat down, and continue to converse with one another. And after that first sip, we would’ve said, “Aaaahh . . . I feel much better” and proceeded to share about our day, and why the feel for a Coke was much needed.
If you’re a guy reading this, you’re probably still stuck on “feel” for a Coke. You’re probably questioning “How do you feel for something tangible that you want? You’re either thirsty or not. You either want a Coke or not. You don’t ‘feel’ for it.” To you it makes no sense, but to a woman it makes perfect sense because we feel. Because our default response is to feel, we tend to use that as a means to share and bond with one another, and our men. This is why we are always asking our men, “How do you feel about that? What are you feeling?” It’s the way we connect with you . . . it’s the same way we connect with our fellow sisters.
Being naturally emotional and nurturing, we connect and bond based off of feeling and sharing. We are allowed to express our feelings and not have any push back from others or society when we do so. Since we are allowed to do this, we have no problem sharing with others. The more we share, the deeper the connection and bond gets for us. So when it comes to our men, the way we feel closeness is through our ability to share with him, and his ability to share not only his thoughts, but his feelings with us. When our men do not connect with us in this way, we feel distant from him. He may be thinking everything is cool, but she may be feeling like things are not cool because he is not opening up.
Men, understand that her way of getting close to you and bonding with you is through a mutual sharing of feelings. Women, understand you have to be patient with your man when he is taking his time to share deeply with you. Remember our default response is to feel, his is to think.
Next, Chris and I will share what we have learned along the way on how to flex our communication to make for a better connection with the opposite sex.
Got a question that you want to send privately? Email Chris and I at: firstname.lastname@example.org