I know…you’re seeing this and is probably like “Whaaaattt!!!” It has been a long time since my last blog post. Seminary life has kept me insanely swamped. However, this was on my heart and I had to share with you guys.
October 2016, I took a leap of faith to pursue my calling and God given vision full time. I started seminary July of that same year. God showed out with that situation by giving me an 80% paid tuition scholarship that will last for a huge chunk of my time in the program. The vision is to build Perfectly Imperfect Inc. to a fully functioning ministry that will not only empower women through public speaking (including preaching and teaching the Gospel), blogging, workshops and an annual conference; but to also help restore the family unit through a private Marriage & Family Therapy practice.
In October 2016, I truly felt God telling me to walk away from my job. Yep, I walked away from it all!! I loved the job I had, but I knew God was calling me to more. However, I was so scared of the idea. How am I going to afford to live? I have no money to support this dream. Who will actually take me serious? I can’t afford to go back to school. Who’s going to actually show up to hear me speak, or even allow ME to council them? Again…where is the money for all this going to come from?
This wasn’t the first time I felt this afraid. Some of the same questions came when I felt led to go to seminary. While I did tell God I would do whatever He wanted if He would pay for seminary, I was not expecting to quit my job so soon after starting school again.
None of my questions around quitting and pursing my calling/God’s vision full-time was quite answered. Fear was telling me not to do it. Fear said that if classes get too tough then drop to part-time. Fear said that I wouldn’t survive without steady income. Fear had me questioning what people would think of me quitting my job to chase a dream. Fear reminded me that I don’t have a large following on social media. Fear showed me a glimpse of my past. Fear told me that there was no way this would work. Fear…fear…FEAR!
I realized how afraid I was, and still am, and decided I had two choices: let fear hold me back or choose courage to push fear out of my way. I chose courage!
Courage is not something that I’m able to do on my own. This comes from a relationship with God. I have to choose courage on a daily basis because fear comes after me on a daily basis. I need the Holy Spirit to remind me of God’s promises.
Every day, my needs are literally met by God. Choosing courage through this season has shown me just how much I have to depend and trust God for daily provision. There are some days when I feel weakened by fear….when I want to quit because I feel it’s too hard to bear. The moment when I begin to feel this way God gives me His strength. He reminds me that my bank account is not His concern…He wants to see how big my faith is. Then I dry my eyes, and ask God to deposit in me another dose of courage.
Today, I challenge you too to choose courage. Courage is not absent of fear, but it is used to put fear into submission.
Lord thank you for not giving us the spirit of fear, but giving us power, love, and a sound mind. Thank you for showing us your strength in moments of our weakness and depositing courage in us to face fear head on. Forgive us for times where we have operated in fear and didn’t trust you. Help us in our moments of doubt and remind us of just how faithful you are to us. Remind us that in you we have everything we need. You are with us and will never leave us. For that we can’t thank and praise you enough!
Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God.