Hey love bugs!
Okay . . . so for quite some time, I have been feeling this weight to do a series of messages just for SINGLES. Now, I’m going to be honest . . . when I first felt this heavy weight, I couldn’t understand why. Okay . . . to be totally honest, I didn’t want to understand why. You see, me personally, I’m finally at a place of contentment with being single not to get confused with being complacent. Trust me . . . it has taken me years to get here. And . . . it has not gone without lots of tears, heartbreaks, mistakes, disappointments, feeling like I’ve wasted time, frustration, confusion, and even depression. Yes . . . being single has been one emotional rollercoaster. Then it hit me . . . this is why I’m feeling pressed to do this series that I will title Lessons From A Single. I’m sure many other women have felt like me, is currently having those emotions, or are now cool with their “single status”, but still struggle with navigating what to do with the time. So here we are. And here is my disclaimer:
I, Hazel Owens, am writing this series based off of my personal experiences and lessons learned with being single, and those experiences I have had the pleasure of enduring alongside others. I do realize that not everyone struggles with this topic, and at the same time I realize that many do. My hope is for each of us (including me) begin to live this season (and any other season of life) to the fullest potential possible, embracing every twist and turn along the way.
Aaaaahhhh . . . now that is out of the way. Let’s start with some truths about being single:
- Singleness is not a disease, and marriage is not the cure.
Seriously . . . I have no idea where this thought came from. However, I do remember a time thinking something was wrong with me because I was single. This caused me to mentally marry every cute guy in my head that said “hello”. Basically, I rushed things with guys, and found myself giving myself to anyone that gave me attention because being single meant being alone. Being alone meant something has to be wrong with me. Having this mindset that marriage will fix your problem with being single runs the high risk of you ending up with the wrong person, or feeling more frustrated after each failed relationship. Singleness is not some disease or some problem that can be wiped away with marriage. Marriage has it’s own sets of problems and frustrations, as with any season in life. This is a time for some soul searching for you. If you can’t stand being alone with you, how do you expect for anyone else to want to be around you. Marriage is not going to make you happy all of the time . . . honestly you yourself can’t make you happy all of the time. So, please do not think that marriage is going to solve all of your single problems, because it won’t. Use this season to see what all God wants to do for you and through you.
- Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely
So this drive me nuts! Just because I’m alone, doesn’t mean I’m lonely. I am sure many others feel this way as well. Alone does not always equate to feeling lonely. In moments where I have felt lonely, I would seriously have to focus on those who are around me. Sometimes, it’s hard to connect with that friend who is married, a momma, or both because they can’t always hang or talk when you want to. I can’t get mad about that because that’s their season, but what I had to learn to do was to do things on my own. The more I began to do things on my own, the more I began to learn me more intimately. I began to meet other people. I began to fall in love with me all over again.
- Desiring marriage, connection, or companionship from the opposite sex is not wrong.
There is nothing wrong with having strong desires for marriage or companionship with opposite sex. How you act on those desires is what can get you in trouble. Dating random people, just because you are bored or don’t want to be alone, will get old. Having sex with “randoms” just because they gave you some attention and time you were desiring is a recipe for confusion and heartbreak (more on this later). Be careful how you act on those desires.
- Being single can be exciting
This is an amazing time to enjoy all the things God is calling you to without distractions. You don’t have to worry about the cares of a husband or children (if you’re not a mother) when you make decisions. If you have children, you can bring them along, or introduce them to the things that God is calling you to. Traveling freely, pursuing your purpose, serving, hanging out with friends, taking risks . . . gosh this time of life can be so exciting if you just put yourself out there and embrace it.
- This season can be frustrating!
It can totally seem like everyone is in a relationship but you. Every time you turn around, someone you know is getting engaged. You are over a certain age and people put the pressure on you to be involved. Holidays are the worst at times . . . a constant reminder that you are single. When you are content, people confuse it with you not being open to marriage or relationships. How frustrating is this?!?! More to come in a future post.
- Being single does not mean you are not whole or complete
This saddens me deeply, and yet so many women struggle with this . . . I did too. Feeling like you are not whole or complete can at times force you to stay in toxic relationships or in relationships longer than you should. When God created you, He created you whole. Being with someone is not going to complete you, because sis, you are already complete!
I’m so excited for this series. I’m praying for singles, and I pray that the lessons that I have learned (and learning) along the way, be a source of inspiration to you. Also, as I introduce this series, I am adding videos for a deeper dive with every post. I am now on YouTube!!!!! Many of you have been asking for video along with the blogs, and it’s finally here! Be easy with me, as I’m still learning the art of YouTube lol. Enjoy this message on YouTube by clicking the link below. While you are there, please subscribe to my channel! I look forward to your comments there and on this website. Let’s journey together friends!
Though you are Imperfect, you are loved by a Perfect God!