Hey love bugs!!
I pray you all have had a fabulous weekend! Tonight I went to Periscope with a message to singles. I shared with the #PerfectlyImperfect community via Periscope on the 5 Things to Consider Before Dating. You can catch a replay of the broadcast by clicking here. Download the Periscope app and check out the discussion.
I wanted to make sure I bring you all in the loop as well! Again, these are some things to consider . . . to think about before the next time you decide to date:
Have you taken time to fully heal from past relationships?
I have heard this saying: “The best way to get over a man is to get under a new man.” This is absolutely FALSE!! You cannot fully embrace the person you are with by still holding on to issues with the person from your past. Not taking time to heal will cause you to make the new person pay for all the mistakes your ex(es) have made (whether you realize it or not). You wouldn’t want to pay the penalty for someone else wrong doing . . . no one does. If you don’t take this time to heal, you will run the risk of being a serial dater. You will find yourself being in and out of relationships because you are sabotaging them with issues from your past. You will find yourself dating the same type of men, but with a different face. Make sure you fully heal before bringing anyone into a messy situation.
Get some insight about yourself/work on your heart.
It is important to take some time for yourself between relationships. Evaluate what you need to work on or improve upon. Remember, it takes two to tango. They may be the reason why the relationship ended, but you also played a role as well. What are somethings you learned from your past relationships about you? How can you be better? Spend some time with God to have him reveal your heart. He will show you areas that are displeasing to him . . . it is He that makes you whole. Develop/strengthen that relationship with God . . .besides that is the best relationship you can have.
Are you holding on to anger and bitterness? Are you too independent and working that man out of his job? Chivalry is not dead ladies . . . there are some gentlemen still out there. Some times our fierce independence gets in the way. Every time he tries to do something for you, you say “I got it . . . I can take care of it . . . Don’t worry about it”. Every time he goes to open a door for you, you rush to beat him. There is nothing wrong with being independent but some of us are just way too strong. I know . . . you are used to taking care of things by yourself. Well, sis, a real man . . .a gentleman will not let you do it alone. However, if you keep assuming the role as male, he will think and feel as if he’s not needed.
Once you have gathered some insight, actually do the work to strive to be better.
Learn to forgive.
Forgiveness is not just for the other person, but it’s for you too. It frees you up. We have to learn to forgive. When you hold on to unforgiveness, you heart is becoming harden the longer you hold on to it. No one can enter into a harden heart . . . you are not even letting God in when your heart is harden.
You also need to practice forgiveness because the Lord instructs us to do so. If we don’t forgive one another, our heavenly father won’t forgive us. Once you get this down, you will forgive much easier when your mate makes a mistake. Relationships require work. Learn to forgive.
Many singles desire to be married. Well guess what? That’s two imperfect people coming together as one. Some one is bound to make a mistake or hurt the other persons’ feelings . . . are you going to forgive?
Practice healthy communication and vulnerability.
Now . . . this right here . . . whew! I am getting better at the communication piece, but the vulnerability is hard. However, I can honestly say that I am practicing it. Use discernment . . . not everyone can handle your vulnerability. The one person that you should be able to be completely “naked”/vulnerable with should be your spouse. If you have not practiced this while being single, you will struggle greatly with being vulnerable in your marriage. Find someone of the opposite sex that you trust and practice letting your guard down. Let God guide you to that individual.
Also, practice communicating in a healthy way. Many people listen to respond instead of actively listening. Try repeating what you heard to ensure that you understand correctly what’s being communicated. Watch your emotions when you communicate as well. Make sure those “feelings” are in check because if they are not, you can perceive something to be true that is totally false. Understand how the opposite sex communicates. Men are logical . . . they think. Women we feel. Nothing is wrong with either . . . we’re just wired different.
Ask yourself: Why do you want to be in a relationship?
Some people think that marriage will cure their singleness. First . . . you being single does not mean you have a disease; and trust me, marriage is not the cure. There is nothing wrong with being single. Do not let anyone get in your head and make you thing that being single is bad? This is your training ground to prepare for marriage (if that’s what you desire).
Some people want a relationship because they hate being alone, and thus will settle. Any attention will get them going. Understand that not all attention is good attention. If you don’t like being with you, what makes you think someone else will like being with you?
I ask . . . why do you want to be in a relationship? Check your motives. Are you pursuing a date or are you preparing for marriage?
Remember this: Though you are imperfect, you are loved by a perfect God!
God loves you and so do I!