Fight Her Spirit; Not Her Part 3


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Picking up from Part 2, I will be the first to admit that this (putting on the full armor of God) is rough. It is hard to understand that it’s a spirit you’re fighting against when all you see is their flesh. I didn’t always (and still don’t) handle these situations well (read Part 1).

I can remember paying evil for evil, hurt for hurt.

I can remember being stressed, worrying, and wondering what she feels/think of me . . . what she’s saying about me. Wondering how I can get her to like me.

I can remember being frustrated with her that I would avoid her all together. I would act as if she doesn’t exist. All the while, I’m bringing her up and her nasty/ugly ways to any and everyone who would listen.

I can remember giving her so much of my energy . . . energy that she didn’t deserve. I would have my antennas up every time I had to interact with her, ready for a signal from her that gave me the green light to gut punch her my words . . . to be on the defense at all times. And for what? Who is worth all of that energy? Why am I falling in her trap creating “If she/I’m gonna” scenes in my head? You know:

If she says this, I’m gonna . . .
If she rolls her eyes at me again, I’m gonna . . .
If she says something smart, I’m gonna . . . you get where I’m going with this.
That’s energy being misused.

I finally got to a place where I was no longer letting her or anyone else suck that much energy out of me. So, as I started drawing closer to God, and getting in His word, He began to show me myself. He began to show me ways I too have acted nasty and ugly to someone else for no reason at all.

Through a therapeutic process (in which I blogged about in a 3 part series: part 1, 2, & 3), I began to work through my own issues, and draw closer to God at the same time. This has helped me to understand that sometimes the issue is not you, it’s her spirit not agreeing with your spirit.

Once I was able to heal from some of my wounds, and recognize my triggers, I found myself becoming more compassionate to people like her. I started focusing my energy more on how God sees me and less on how humans see me. My desire shifted to wanting to please Him and no longer please others. I was starting to understand that not everyone was going to like me and actually be okay with that.

As I continued to work through this, I was able to see how accessible the armor of God is, and how if you put it on it will seriously protect you. Because I am human, at times I forget to wear the armor of God. I tend to slip back and get snippy with her. But God quickly reminds me who I am in him, and that this battle is bigger than me. My only job is to love her with the love of God.

Love pushes out hate!

It’s not being fake or phony, it’s called being mature. So pray for her, love her, and ask God to help you deal with her. Is it going to be hard? Yes. Are you going to always get it right? No. But remember this battle is bigger than you and you need God to help you.

Stop fighting by yourself. You will wear yourself out because you are fighting her and not her spirit!

~Hazel~

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8 thoughts on “Fight Her Spirit; Not Her Part 3

  1. divinepeach says:

    Sometimes it is so hard to see past the flesh and even more importantly to believe that you are apart of something much bigger than what the eyes can see. In my own experiences I have found that what you speak is truth because God took me through a sifting process. During this process I became more hungry for the word and he helped me see that we are fighting a spiritual war and that there are signs everywhere. Great post. I enjoyed reading it

    • Coco's Couch says:

      It is definitely a difficult thing to see and understand…you’re definitely right…it’s a process that God has to take us through so that we can see that this thing is bigger than us. I’m so glad you enjoyed the series! Thank you so much for your comment!

  2. LaToya says:

    I don’t fight with her I’m constantly wondering why no one likes her. She tries to be liked by being nice to everyone she meets. She is very approachable but not good at starting conversations. Small talk has never been her thing and she fears joining in the conversation afraid she may say something wrong. The biggest battle that she has is wondering why she doesn’t have the friends she’d like to have. She can be the life of the party or someone there to comfort you. She will listen and not judge. Though she finds others won’t do the same but she never hold that against them. Why is it so hard for her to be liked? She knows that God loves her but she does want to know that she has friends and that she can be like. What advice can you give her?

    • Coco's Couch says:

      Thank you so much for your comment! My advice to her will be to keep remembering how much God does love her. Also…understand that fear is a tactic of the enemy. She has to let go of the fear of joining in conversations…chances are people are seeing her body language because of the fear and are misreading her. She sees herself as very approachable but that can’t be if there is a spirit of fear she has controlling her & preventing her from joining in the conversations. That spirit (fear) is not given by God. So I would challenge her to go before God in prayer to help her fight that spirit, to reveal to her what it is about her that needs to be changed or worked on, and for Him to bring friendships her way. I also believe in the sowing and reaping concept…whatever it is you want more of than that’s what you sow. Basically, she needs to show herself friendly and she will receive the friends that God has for her…but if she keeps entertaining fear, showing herself friendly may be a struggle although she may believe she is friendly. That is something she needs to seek the Lord on. Last thing…She will need to understand that some friendships she may want to have, God is protecting her from. So if she has/is doing some of the things I said (like showing herself friendly) and still coming up short…understand rejection is only Gods protection. He will send the right people her way at the right time. She has to get control of the fear and that can only happen by increasing her faith. I hope this was helpful! 😊

  3. Jan says:

    I am soo in love with this post because I am so in this position right now!!

    There’s a few “hers” in my life, but one in particular who I found myself doing all the same things: stressing myself on how she viewed me,how she treats me.
    One night after Bible study, I found myself really upset over something “she” had said until I tossed and turned all night and fussed the next morning. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me to let it go and stop thinking about it,but what He wanted to show me and advised me is that it didn’t matter what she said, my ultimate problem is that I had to learn to be ok with myself (failures,successes and all) and to accept the fact that everyone is not going to be “in love” with me.

    It truly was a “light bulb” moment for me! When I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my spirit and reassure me that I had to be ok with me, I felt a sense of calm and focus come over me. I too, am in the process of healing and dealing with me through the Word of God. I am learning to “divorce” myself from people’s opinions of me and accept who God created me to be. Yes, He’s also showing me how I have reacted negatively towards people without cause, except my own insecurities.

    Also, I’ve found that as I am working through my “me” issues, the Holy Spirit is also making my heart tender and I am able to truly forgive the “hers” in my life. Easily? Not a chance, but much easier than it has been. I’ve also found that as I am working on me, I’ve already had two “hers” that I have not spoken to, nor they me (we’ve always ignored each other when we have seen each other-petty and immature, I know.. πŸ™‚ ) have come up to me, hugged me and we’ve forgiven each other. God is tearing down the barriers of hostility between me and enemies. It’s amazing! No, we’re not bosom buddies and all in each others faces, but I can now see them and have peace in my heart and the genuine love of Christ. Had I seen them just last year, it wouldn’t have been the same, so God is definitely UP To Something!!! And I love it!!

    It’s important to be FREE so that we can do the work of the ministry. Everyone is not going to like us when we go forward-but as Paul says, “If I should be the servant of men ( or their opinions), I cannot be the servant of God. ” I CHOOSE GOD!! I REFUSE TO MISS OUT ON ANYTHING HE WANTS TO DO THRU ME,TO ME OR FOR ME THIS YEAR!!

    Sorry so longwinded, but this really inspired me and it’s good to know that I’m not alone! πŸ™‚

    Jan Mitchell
    aka mrsmitchell0618 @ Instagram

    • Coco's Couch says:

      How amazing is that!!! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony & being open! The word say we overcome by the blood of the lamb & the word of our testimony! I’m so glad that God is revealing to you things about yourself, the “hers” in your life, and how to manage it all! It is important that we remember it’s a spirit thing not a flesh & blood thing we are fighting! Keep letting God work on and through you! Keep loving people with the love of Christ! Sometimes the most difficult people we encounter are the ones that need love the most. Thank you for your support of this blog and for being a supporter via social media! I appreciate you & I praise God that this blog post has blessed you! Be blessed! 😊

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