If you find yourself struggling at times with being single and spiritual, trust me you are in good company! In Being Spiritual and Single Pt. 1, I recapped the message I delivered at my first women’s empowerment conference. If you haven’t already read Pt. 1, I encourage you to go back and do so.
To close out the Being Spiritual & Single workshop, I left the women with some tips on what I think one should do to prepare for marriage. I know, you are not engaged yet . . . no one has “Put A Ring On It”; but that doesn’t mean that you can’t start preparing. Don’t wait until your engagement before your start to prepare for marriage. Start now before your husband is presented to you!
So how do you prepare for marriage while trying to be spiritual and single:
1. Be Content; Embrace Being Single. In Pt. 1, I talked about the importance of being content, and how contentment comes from the Lord. You must understand that only God can fulfill that void of loneliness as you wait for Him to bring you your husband. Becoming a serial dater is not attractive by any means, and it won’t sustain you. Besides it can make you even more frustrated than you were before dating those suitors, because you are dating out of loneliness. You are not letting God lead you into dating. Let God guide your relationships . . . quit rushing to date just anybody because it’s Friday night. Ask God to help you in the area of contentment. Remember marriage is not the cure. You have to embrace being single! Enjoy life . . . travel . . . take yourself out to eat . . . hang out with friends . . . get involved in your community and church . . . explore . . . there is so much you can do being single! Embrace your singleness, and know that marriage has its own set of struggles as well.
2. Submit yourself to God. Let Him lead you. It is so important that we learn to submit unto God. You can’t submit to your husband without submitting to God. Ephesians 5:22-25 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Submission . . . Y’all I used to have a problem with this term and the idea of submission, until God started to really deal with me on this. Submission does not mean that you are weak, that you have no voice, that you have to be a doormat . . . that’s not submission. Submission in the biblical context is more spiritual than anything. Your marriage is a ministry! God has to orchestrate it and be in the center of it. Until you totally submit yourself unto the Lord, you will continue to have a problem with submission and thus will not be able to submit to your husband.
Ephesians 5:22 says for wives to submit themselves to their husbands as you do to the Lord. What stood out to me is the part “as you do to the Lord”.
Are you submitting yourself to God? Is He truly the head of your life? Are you obedient to His word and to His ways? Is it your will be done or do you want His will to be done?
So . . . if you are not following God’s lead (who knows what’s best for you and loves you like crazy; (the one who made you) what makes you think you will follow your husband’s lead. If you don’t know what it’s like to submit to God, God will not bring this man He designed just for you (who is already submitting to Him), to you for you to destroy him. Matter of fact, some of us will be scared of him and unconsciously destroy what could be a great thing because we will confuse his leading with controlling . . . mmmpphhh I’ve been there done that!
Last thing, understand that the husband has the greater form of submission. Husbands have to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wow!! You are the church . . . yes you! Your husband has to love you like Christ loved the church. God loved us (the church) so much that He sent his only son down to die on the cross for us! He made the ultimate sacrifice for us. He paid the penalty for our sins. So God’s word is saying that husbands are to love their wives the way Christ loved us. They are to love us to the point where they would die for us. My Lord! So it is important to know what submission looks like, by totally submitting to God. This way when God brings your husband to you, you won’t have a problem with submitting, and you won’t confuse his leading you with controlling you.
You still with me?
3. Purify yourself inside and out. Once you begin to purify yourself on the inside, that purification will show on the outside. You cannot do this alone . . . you will need God’s help! I love The Message version of 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
Understand that abstinence is possible. At the conference I broke down my theology on celibacy vs. abstinence . . .that will come in a future blog.
Every time you have sex with someone, you create these soul ties. In a sermon by Juanita Bynum No More Sheets, she talks about the many sex partners she had and how God told her He had to make room in her spirit for her husband. In order for God to make room in your spirit for your husband, He has to purify you. You have to submit to Him, by abstaining. Stop hooking up! Stop creating these soul ties that take so much time to break. He can’t bring you your husband because there is no room for him . . . you still have David, Jim, Paul, Donovan, Steve, Mike, Henry, and Jeff in you. Yeah I know you don’t fool with him no more, but the soul tie may still be there. So God has to purify you and cleanse you for your husband. Sex is designed to be in the context of marriage . . . yes many of us have sexual desires (which is a gift) . . . but sex was meant to be explored in marriage. It’s time to make room for your husband!
As you purify yourself from these soul ties, you also have to change your attitude about sex, your singleness, dating, and marriage. That’s purification on the outside. Your attitude determines your behavior. Start thinking of yourself as being a wife, embrace being single, know your worth and stop hooking up or dating just anyone. Understand that men are visual . . . carry yourself as a Christian/Godly woman/wife would. You can be sexy without showing all of your assets! Stop with the pictures of your bent over showing your behind! Stop wearing revealing clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination. Remember your body is a temple; it’s sacred . . . treat it as such!
4. Let God write your love story. God is the ultimate matchmaker. Let Him hook you up! He knows you better than you do, so He know who and what’s best for you! Pray FOR your husband. Don’t just pray for a husband . . . pray for his family, pray for his direction, pray that he continues to submit unto God, pray for his finances, pray for his health, pray that God molds him into the man/husband he is designed to be, pray FOR your husband!! Lastly, pray for God to prepare you to be a wife. In the meantime, chill and let God hook you up with the one He has for you!
5. Have patience in the process, and trust in God. Proverbs 3:5 says trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not to your own understanding. It is not meant for you to figure out why you are single. I know the struggle is real; but quit trying to figure this out on your own. God knows what He is doing. So instead of leaning to your own devices, seek the Lord on how to deal with your singleness while trying to maintain your spirituality. Let Him lead you. Trust His process, and be patient. Use this time to draw closer to Him and let Him love on you! He wants to be your first love, He wants your intimacy, and He wants your time. When God is ready to share you with your husband, He will bring him to you in perfect timing.
Single woman . . . you are so valuable and you are worthy of every one of your desires. God always makes due on His promises. He has not forgotten about you. Let Him prepare you and mold you into the woman He needs you to be for the glory of His kingdom and for the godly man He has for you!