I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I pray that you are doing well. I pray that each and every day you are embracing those beautifully perfect imperfections you have! Things have been crazy busy for me! God is opening up so many doors, and it just blows my mind how He is moving.
With that being said, about a week ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to speak at my first women’s conference. I was invited to lead a workshop to a group of single women on the topic of Being Spiritual and Single. The conference was held at Calvary Baptist Church in Muncie, In. It was also their very first conference. Needless to say, I was quite honored!
After hearing some of the feedback, I thought I would share with you some of the points made through this message. First and foremost, as many of you know, I am single and I am a Christian. This topic was/is very personal to me. I too at times struggle with trying to live out Biblical principles and maintain my singleness. Like many of the single women at the conference, I too desire to be a wife one day. I too get tired of dating my girlfriends. I too am tired of dating men that is not headed in the same direction I am. I too at times fear being alone. I too am tired of seeing what seems like everyone around me entering new relationships or getting married. And I too have made some of the same mistakes some of the women in the conference are currently making (dating just any and everybody, going back to Mr. Wrong, promiscuity, you name it).
While preparing for the conference, the Lord had me to take inventory on how I dealt with my single life, and how I began to grow tired and shift my focus. I came up with a list of random thoughts and formed this:
-I’m tired of this life. This single life.
-I’m tired of the meaningless dates and the late night creeps.
-I’m tired of devaluing myself for mediocre conversation, and a 2 for $40 meal.
–Devaluing myself for a nice, fancy dinner and movie
–Devaluing myself for a romantic evening staged at home
–Devaluing for cheap earthly possessions, when time with me should be the prize
-Therefore, I’m tired of devaluing my worth from some Axe Body Wash wearing jerk!
-I’m tired of the lonely nights that forces me to keep going back to the guy who isn’t right
-I’m tired of the guilt and shame from my temporary moments of pleasure.
I’m tired of saying the same ‘ol prayer: “Lord if you would please get me out of here w/ just a little of my dignity. I promise . . .”
-I’m tired of the broken promises and lies
-I’m tired of meeting new guys
-I’m tired of this single life. Something about me isn’t right.
-Maybe not me, but the way I’m living my life?
-So I ask God to show me the things within me that isn’t right?
-How should I live this single life? My desire is to be a wife
-Lord, I want to be pleasing to you, and if you make me a wife then that’s cool. But Lord help me live this single life for you because I’m tired of living it for me. I’m tired!!
Needless to say, the women at the conference could relate to being tired! So if you are tired, it is time to shift your focus. It’s time to change the way you approach your singleness. Here are some points from my message to the women of Calvary Baptist Church:
1. Content. Single woman it is important for you to be content. Contentment comes from the Lord. Philippians 4:11 . . . the apostle Paul talks about how he has learned to be content in whatever circumstance he face. In order to reach a level of contentment, you have to seek it from the Lord. Understand that no one can fulfill the void you are trying to fill in your singleness. So becoming a serial dater is not going to fix it. Chances are you will leave that dating situation feeling worse off than you were entering it. Dating simply out of the fact that you are single and don’t want to spend another Friday night alone will only sustain you temporarily. Trust me . . . it gets old fast! Learn to be content!
2. Marriage is not the cure. Quit thinking that because you are single, that you have some type of disease and marriage is the cure/remedy. Understand that marriage is not the cure to your singleness. Your singleness is not a disease. You are not defined by your marital status . . . whether you are single, married, divorced, or widowed. Marriage has its own set of struggles. We have to again go back to #1 and be content. Single people can’t wait to get married, and married people at times wish they were single. I don’t know about you, but I would rather be single and happy than married and miserable any day!
3. Embrace being single. Once you have reached the level of contentment, you can then embrace your singleness. It is during your singleness that you can do so many things without the worry of making sure your spouse is okay first. This is the time for you to dedicate your time to serve the Lord without any distractions. If you have children, bring them with you in this process. Get them exposed to ministry as well. Also, enjoy life! Life is going to happen whether you are married or single. So take yourself out on dates. Travel. Hang out with friends. Get involved in your community. Explore the beauty that life has to offer instead of spending every night at home hugging your pillows until they go flat.
4. Prepare for marriage. The last point I gave was to prepare yourself for marriage, if this is what you desire. To do so, you have to: Submit yourself to God, Purify yourself inside and out, Let God write your love story, & Have patience and trust in God.
Look out for Being Spiritual & Single Pt. 2: Preparing for Marriage. In part 2, I will break down how I think one should prepare for marriage. This is currently where I am . . . single, saved, satisfied, and preparing for my husband!