Have you ever had people come treat you like something is wrong with you because you are single? Don’t be over 30, single, and no kids . . . man folks will act like you have some disease causing you to remain single! For this very reason, I have talked a lot about being single and embracing your singleness. Well . . . What a way to kick off this Man Cave, then to hear from a gentleman on what it means to be single. Check out Professor Brent Lyle’s blog: Single Don’t Mean Sick
You know, being “single” gets a bad rap. We all contribute to it. We, the People, tend to look at being single as some worrisome period of boring loneliness, confused feelings, and wondering what is “wrong” with us. You get friends, family, co-workers, and even the lady at the checkout counter asking you all sorts of prying questions. Other people may even imply that they feel sorry for you. You might even get on your own nerves thinking that everyone has somebody but you. Well . . . Can I ask you a question?
“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words…” –why do you let other people-, better yet, why do you keep hurting yourself?
Think about what I’m asking for a second. I’m sure you’re not going to know the answer to that question right now, but by the time you finish reading this and take some time to think about how it might relate to you, I hope you’ll call it quits.
“Single” isn’t some status denoting your condition of harboring some infectious disease. “Single” isn’t a sickness. “Single” is nothing that can be treated with prescribed meds or analyzed with X-rays. There is, in most cases, nothing particularly “wrong” with you. So what’s the problem? Perhaps then, there are just some things you need to know.
Let’s talk about being “Single.”
First, we have to know what it means—the basics.
Amongst its definitions,
“1. an individual person, rather than part of a pair or group;
2. unmarried, or not involved in a stable sexual relationship;
3. free from duplicity or deceit.”
In context, none of these describe anything…”wrong.” In fact, the third definition actually describes that the word means exactly the opposite, completely free of wrong, “good.” Why was that important? Definitions clarify things. Knowing what the word single means should bring you some reassurance that this “single” life is literally good, for you.
Being that definitions clarify things, now that we know what it is, we also know what it is not—the boundaries. Single is not a part of a pair–it’s alone. So, single person, why aren’t you alone? Ah, yes…the late night texts, subtweets, DMs, and inbox messages . . . those that swoon your good senses into the garbage can until the next morning with a cold shower and the breakfast of champions, along with a side of disgust. Why do you spend so much time with others and not yourself? That brings me to my next point . . .
Second, we have to know what it allows—the benefits. Being single is a time machine. Yeah, being single allows you to more fully exercise God’s gift of “time”. It allows you to advance forward into being fully you–unadulterated, and un-swayed by others’ opinions and their backwash. Time machines allow you look back into the past, right? So does being single. It gives you a precious chance to revisit past relationship successes AND failures on your own terms, on your own time, and in your own mind — so you can go into future relationship(s) better than you ever were before. Yes, go back and examine past moments you enjoyed and the moments you didn’t to edit yourself in them for an empowered future.
Have you ever heard of the word “Sankofa”? Likely not. “Sankofa” is an Akan (subgroup from Southwestern Africa) word that means, “We must go back and reclaim our past so we can move forward, understanding why and how we came to be who we are today.”
Being single allows you to mentally [and spiritually] travel through time to avoid potentially destructive situations to your emotional, physical, social, spiritual, and financial [taking them out all the time] stability.
Finally, we have to know what it requires—the burdens. ‘Process flows’ are common to the workplace; guess what—being single has one, too. Here it is: Understand. > Commit. > Choose. > Desire. > Evaluate. > Apply. > Repeat.
1. You must have a solid UNDERSTANDING of what “single” is and means.
2. You must make a COMMITMENT to being single while you are single. If you’re alone, know that you are and be okay with that. You’re a person you can get to know just as much as someone else is.
3. You must CHOOSE to remember the definition and what it means. Every new day you wake up, choosing to maintain these requirements.
4. You must DESIRE to succeed at being single. If you won’t stop feeling sorry for yourself and start enjoying your life, who’s going to do it for you? Get hype and go to some concerts, enjoy your commute into work, take yourself out on a date, try something new; do something to succeed at this thing!
5. You must EVALUATE your progress by utilizing resources for learning more. If you want to know some, you can ask me personally. I share.
6. You must APPLY what you learned so that you can . . .
7. REPEAT the process more deeply UNDERSTANDING what “single” is…and so forth.
You see, being single isn’t fixed by medicine; it IS medicine. Being single should be just as great as being in a happy, “Facebook-official”, jealousy-inducing relationship. So what do you do? How do you move on during those moments when you feel helpless and hopeless? I think it’s simple: Pause. Reread this article. Examine. Breathe. Pray. …and Enjoy the rest of your day.
. . . That is all.
“Dream daily. Believe always.”
— Professor Lyle.
“I like being single, I’m always there when I need me.” ―Art Leo
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