My Loving You Shouldn’t Kill Me!


Not too long ago, my pastor said in a sermon: “My loving you shouldn’t be killing me! At that very moment, my best friend leans in and whispers, “Girl, you need to blog about that.” I instantly said, “Oh absolutely!!” I then couldn’t help but to think about some of my past relationships.

I remember being the one who gave and gave, but was never on the receiving end.

I remember being in relationships where I was loving so hard, only to be hurt just as often as I was displaying love.

I remember being in relationships where I was giving all of me, and I was receiving a portion of him.

I remember being in relationships where every time I loved, a little piece of me died.

My loving you shouldn’t be killing me

I originally was going to write this blog to examine how this could play out in romantic relationships. But actually, it can happen in any relationship.

In your family, you support them all. You are something like the “glue” that holds everyone together. You are always there for them. You’ve been a caretaker, provider, counselor. . . pretty much whatever they needed you to be. You love them hard, and no matter how much you verbalize and show your love, you don’t receive the love in return. Instead, you are overly criticized, not supported, rejected, and used.

My loving you shouldn’t be killing me.

In your friendships, you are always there to listen to their drama. When they need you, you are always there. You love them hard as well. You support them regardless of how you feel about their new endeavors. No matter how many times they are trying something new, you are the first one to show up and help out. Why? Because you love them. You value them. Like your family, you constantly have them in mind; ready to go to war with them, to cry with them, to celebrate with them, to LOVE them.
In turn, you find yourself searching for them when you need them. Wishing they were there for you and your new endeavor. Wanting to call them with your frustrations and drama only to receive a voicemail. You find yourself feeling like the friendship is one-sided.

My loving you shouldn’t be killing me

Regardless of who it is, the love you give shouldn’t take a toll on you. It’s time to evaluate your relationships with others.

Is the love I have for this person mutual? Do I feel loved by this person? Is loving this person draining me?

Loving someone should not be a burden on you. Be sure that your expectations of the love you feel you should receive are realistic expectations. Know that everyone does not have the same level of love you have.

Bishop T.D. Jakes demonstrated this the best in his 10 Gallon of Love illustration on an episode of Oprah’s Life Class. Check out the clip: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Bishop-TD-Jakes-on-Having-a-10-Gallon-Capacity-for-Love-Video_1

When you learn to give your love at the level they are at, then your love would no longer kill you!

~Hazel~

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2 thoughts on “My Loving You Shouldn’t Kill Me!

  1. missL says:

    This is sooo true. I see too many sweet sweet people sacrificing way too much for the betterment of the relationships in their lives, only to get the shaft themselves. Not fair.

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