Have you ever broke up with someone and it felt like you may as well have been stabbed 10x in the gut? It was (for some maybe it is) the kind of breakup that leaves you moping around the house for days, weeks, and maybe even months. Breaking up with someone is never an easy thing to do. The feelings don’t shut off the day the relationship has died. Many of us will go through a grieving process, that in the moment seems like it will never end.
Recently, I have been hearing a lot about people breaking up. So sad because we are so close to Valentine’s Day. Well I guess it’s only sad for those who care about the holiday, or are used to celebrating it. As for me . . . well that may be another blog lol . . . I digress. I have even found myself pouring into women to help them through their breakups. What sparked me to write on this topic was a conversation with a close friend of mine. My friend was telling me how she was trying to encourage her co-worker who was dealing with a difficult breakup. She ended up sharing my testimony on how I dealt with my breakup from hell. And how through that pain, I now laugh at it. So since she shared it, I figured I should jump-start these messages on breakups with the worst breakup I’ve experienced:
It was about 6yrs ago that I ended a near 3yr relationship. When I tell you I looovveedd this man . . . I mean I LOVED this man! There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. We had some great times, but we also had our share of bad as well. This was someone I just knew I was going to marry. As we progressed in our relationship, the talk of marriage increased. At that time I thought he wanted the same thing with me as well. The last 6 months or so of our relationship was long distance. I really wasn’t feeling that at the time, but I was trying to be the supportive girlfriend. I was convinced it would be okay since there he was only about an hour or so away. After, regularly visiting each other the first couple months of our distance, I began to notice that the topic of marriage stopped.
Jan. 2008, I was enrolled back in school full-time. He was away at school as well. We both wanted to finish our degrees, and I was under the impression that marriage will come through this journey we were taking together. Since the talks about marriage stopped, I brought it back up to him. I was ready to relocate to where he was, and do my schooling online if that meant more progress in our relationship. He didn’t know that.
Stay with me y’all.
When I brought this up to him, he told me he didn’t know what he wanted. yes totally confused now! I knew better than to pressure a man about marriage, but I did tell him that I was not going to stay with him just for the sake of being him. Something he knew when we met. Meaning, I will not be with someone for years and years, and we never make that ultimate commitment. So I dropped the subject, thinking that now we both need to think about where we want this relationship to go.
Then, I started to notice things. He was lying about silly stuff, our communication started to slow down, the visits began to stop, and I began to think someone else was in the picture. During his Spring Break trip with his “friends”, he lied to me about where he was going. Being a concerned girlfriend, I just wanted to make sure he got to his destination safely, but his story wasn’t adding up. We got into a huge argument over the phone. He talked to me like I was some hooker off the street. I have never heard him speak to me in this way. After cussing him clean out, I told him to not call me. I told him no one will ever disrespect me in the way he did. I also told him that something about him was foul, but I don’t know what it was. I was hurt. I couldn’t believe my love could make me feel like some whore or piece of trash by the way he spoke to me. Immediately, after the argument, I received a text message from him apologizing for his behavior, and expressions of how much he loved me. My thoughts were “Is he bi-polar??” He then sends a picture of himself that did not come through.
Still with me? It gets better!
The next day, I’m at school waiting for class to start, and I received a text message from a number I didn’t recognize. The text message was a reply to a picture mail that said: “How many of you girls got this?” I then ignored the message because I couldn’t see the picture, and I didn’t know who was sending me this. I quickly dismissed it. Then there was a respond to that message from another number I didn’t recognize. I ignored that one as well, until I received a message directed to me from that same number asking me: “Who are you?” “Why do you keep texting me?”
Now I’m intrigued because this number has the same area code where my “boyfriend” went to school. After responding that it wasn’t me and that it looked like a failed picture message, she states that her “boyfriend” sent her a picture the night before. Now I’m really intrigued.
I said, “Someone sent me a picture as well, but it didn’t come through.” She goes on to say that it was her “boyfriend” and stated his name. So I call her . . . I wanted to make sure we were talking about the same person. Indeed we were! She goes on to tell me that she had been in a relationship with him for the past 6 months (this was the length of time he was away at school). She begins to cry. She stated she didn’t know he had a girlfriend of 3 years, that he never mentioned it. Of course he wouldn’t! She then informs me that she was 8 weeks pregnant!!! I ’bout fell to the floor! The man I loved not only cheated on me, but got someone pregnant he barely even knew. It was literally like Usher’s song Confessions.
Meanwhile, the first number that I didn’t recognize, left me a voice mail. I get on the phone with her and found out she was with him for 2 years!!! WTH!!!! Next thing I know, I am on a call with more women he was cheating on me with. Some were just flings that happened on and off. One woman was with him for a year. Another a 1 1/2 years. I literally felt like I was on Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. These women were coming out left and right! This only happened on T.V. I thought to myself! I was literally living my own personal episode of Maury!
The man I loved cheated on me with about 6 or 7 women that I found out about, and got one pregnant! The man I just knew I was going to marry, hurt me so deep. That pain was like no other! I felt hurt, betrayed, dirty, ashamed, naive, helpless, and used!
I eventually got over him and what he did to me. I forgave him, and myself. I moved on! Part 2 of this series, I will share some tips on how to survive a breakup from hell and walk away w/style & grace!
**pictures are from Google images**