I believe it’s safe to say that we’ve all heard the saying “chivalry is dead”. Is chivalry really dead? While some may agree to this saying, I tend to disagree. I truly believe that the gentleman still exists. The gentleman who performs chivalrous acts because he knows how to respect and treat a woman. The problem, is that the gentleman is no longer required to perform these acts. Society has made it so acceptable that a man no longer have to:
Open doors for a woman
Call when he says he will call
Knock on your door to pick you up for your date instead of blowing the horn as a signal to hurry your butt outside (whew I had a flashback!)
Offer his jacket if you’re cold
Pull the car around because it’s raining hard or
Just all around respecting you and everything about you.
Here are my thoughts:
- Maybe one reason for this is because it truly has become more acceptable now to hook up with each other rather than date or court. We’re too busy trying to satisfy a burning desire in a short & quick way (no pun intended); all the while we are longing for something long term. We convince ourselves that we are getting our needs met through this hook up, just to find ourselves feeling like a piece of crap afterwards. Yeah it was good for the 30 minutes it lasted (and for some you would’ve rather watched paint dry instead). You then find yourself feeling cheated, disgusted, searching for your dignity, and more lonely than ever before. Since all he does is “hit it & quit it”, you think chivalry is dead, and that there are no good brothers out here. No my sister, that’s not the case! With this type of hook up mentality, you skipped past the “getting to know each other” phase, and accepted getting tangled up with each other in the sheets. When you open yourself to a hook up, you open yourself to a quick and easy transaction; leaving no time for chivalrous acts. (There will be a blog titled “No More Hook Ups”)
- Another reason for this lack of chivalry, is the way some women respond to it. I have experienced and seen three types of responses to chivalry:
- The woman that automatically thinks you are trying to “get” with her. Maybe she feels/thinks this way because of the years of “hooking up” made her feel that every guy who approaches her is after one thing. Or maybe because she has gone through lots of pain (could be to no fault of her own), and now has built up a huge wall. She is guarded, and doesn’t know how to accept the acts of a true gentleman. It scares her. So “hook ups”, “randoms”, and men that don’t value her is where her comfort is.
- The woman who gets carried away by the kind gesture, and is already planning a wedding in her head. This woman will rush the relationship into a marriage with 2.5 kids and a dog after a “hello”, a great date, or compliments that make her feel things she never felt before.
- My favorite. The one I finally became. This woman knows she is worth these kinds of gestures, and recognizes when a guy is being a gentleman or if he is running game. She takes time to assess the suitor without making him pay for any past hurts or mistakes. She’s not quick to dismiss the act or see it as a sign of marriage. She waits to get to know him before making any abrupt decisions.
Ladies . . . chivalry is not DEAD!! Don’t get so caught up in the hype of a hook up that you miss out on something special. Also remember this: Just because he compliments you, that doesn’t mean he is trying to “get” with you or that he’s “thirsty”. Just because you two had a few great dates, that doesn’t mean you need to now plan a wedding. SLOW down my sister!! Take the gesture for what it’s worth, say “thank you”, and keep it moving. High expectations and unrealistic expectations will leave you highly disappointed.
*all images are from Google images*