I’ll never forget that day in Sunday School. I still get goosebumps thinking about it. We were studying a series from a book called Freedom in Christ. This particular day we were talking about “Fear”. The teacher did an exercise on me in front of the class, where he tapped into some areas of my childhood I thought I was past. During this exercise, I realized that fear entered my life when I was around the age of 4. This was when my father left. His abuse of alcohol and drugs took over him. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why this was bothering me because I forgave my father years ago. Heck that same year was the ending of my 4th year being his caretaker. He’s still alive by the way; just under the care of my brother. I suddenly realized that I was still harboring hurt and pain as a result of his absence. I mean I knew my choice in men had to do with the relationship (or lack of) I had with my dad. It hit me that the hurt and pain was deeper than I thought. In that moment, I began to have an emotional breakdown in front of everyone.
At the end of class, the teacher gave me his number. He told me that I needed to speak to someone, even it it wasn’t him. It was then I discovered that he is not only a minister/Sunday School teacher, he is a Marriage & Family Therapist. “Oh heck no! I’m not seeing a therapist! I’m not crazy!”, is all that I was thinking.
I left church messed up inside over the revelation I received. That week, I started getting those headaches again. I started to realize I truly haven’t been myself. Always tired, worrying, highly defensive, and anxious. On top of all of that, the headaches were not helping. I finally went to the doctor. The doctor stated that it sounded like I was depressed! I was not claiming that! I didn’t even know I could get depressed. I instantly got upset with my doctor. He prescribed me anti-depressants, and gave me a list of counselors within the network. This is twice I was advised to talk to someone. Needless to say, I was not feeling it!
One day, I woke up full of energy, and with a little extra pep in my step. I got to work extra early. Shocking because I hated my job at the time. Another one of my stressors. Next thing I know, to no plan of my own, I picked up the phone and called Nathan McGuire. After I hung up, I realized I just made an appointment with him that same day (Nov. 18, 2012 I believe it was). Nathan, my Sunday School teacher. Nathan, the Marriage & Family Therapist. Y’all I booked my first therapy appointment.
Follow the next several posts, as I continue to take you all through my journey of healing.