Feelings of anxiety and worry consumed me. My thoughts constantly raced. In moments of idleness, the thoughts became louder. They taunt me at night, keeping me awake. For years I operated off of 4-5 hours of sleep a night; thinking this was normal. I was always tired, but I had to keep myself busy in order to quiet my thoughts. At least try to.
Many nights I cried, and I yelled: Shut Up!, I want to sleep! No one was there with me. There I was, laying in bed yelling at myself. No one ever knew how I was feeling all these years because of the mask I wore.
My twenties was filled with binge drinking, clubbing, and promiscuity. To everyone around me, I was having fun. Sometimes I was, and sometimes it was a front. Many times I came home by myself after a “fun” night out, and cried till I fell asleep. Near the last year or so of my twenties, I grew tired of my lifestyle. I needed a change. No more binge drinking, clubbing every weekend, and meaningless sexual relationships.
I decided to get more serious about my Christian walk. In Jan. 2012, I joined my first ministry at my church. Something I never thought I would do. I didn’t want to hang with “church folk”! To me they seemed to be boring. My prayer began to change. I wanted to be used by God. Not realizing that there were things still holding me back.
In Aug./Sept., 2012, I began attending Sunday School with other young adults. Who knew all of this was a set up for me to begin my healing? It was during a Sunday School lesson around the Oct./Nov., 2012, that I began to realize I was still hurting.
Follow the next several posts as I continue to take you through my journey of healing.